Beth Barrister

1. Show Beth the Z-Model Handout below, and call out that the processes she likely uses effectively (these are highlighted in blue).
2. Ask Beth to pick out at least two items that most surprised her from the processes she is less likely to utilize.
3. Have Beth create an action plan for applying these questions:
1. When I am selecting which careers to explore, I need to ask myself...
2. When I am evaluating of the appeal of different careers, I need to ask myself...
This can be homework or you can work on it together in the session.
4. Encourage Beth to continue testing her assumptions about what makes for a good career by asking new questions about her career options.

Hiding behind the belief that "The only truth is a universal truth."

• Tell Beth “A truth or principle doesn’t become less true solely because it doesn’t capture all possible options, apply across all situations or predict all possible outcomes.”
• Have a discussion with Beth about how her commitment to creating an all-encompassing framework capturing everything under a single rubric can result in analysis-paralysis and get in the way of finding a “good enough” strategy to allow her to get going.
• Make clear to Beth that getting so caught up considering the best way to understand something can mean that she never shares her well thought out theories and misses a chance to transform those abstract ideas into an actionable approach that she and others could apply in the real world.
• If Beth is receptive, suggest she creates a gratitude journal or look at some of the exercises in Tal Ben Shahar’s book Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life for ideas on both how to view things in a more realistic and positive light.

1. Ask Beth to look at the list of overuse tendencies and pick out three of the items.
2. Have Beth explore how the items she chose have adversely affected her life and what she might like to do differently instead. This can be homework or you can work on it together in the session.
3. Suggest Beth use these prompts to record any new insights, a-ha’s and actions that could be tried.
1. Keep track of with whom, when and under what circumstances you find yourself overdoing your style in order to improve your ability to recognize which people and situations result in overuse of your preferred strategies.
2. Note anything that helped you to cope in stressful situations and how this might help you to expand your perspective, try new things or reach out to others more readily.

Believing there is a universal approach to conflict

• Tell Beth “ You can’t solve every conflict with a single method no matter how brilliant or theoretically sound.”
• Have a discussion with name to explore why many conflicts require individualized solutions that address the specific needs and wishes of the people involved.
• Explain that “While the desire to treat everyone equally is a noble one, when logical principles clash with real people’s needs, care should be taken to find a solution that honors both the ideal of fairness and the feelings of the individuals concerned.”

Being exacting to the point of missing the real issue

• Tell Beth “Splitting hairs or arguing over precisely what happened can often push people away.”
• Have a discussion with Beth about how debating others over the particulars of an issue can mean the point gets lost; others feel they aren’t being heard which makes a genuine exchange less likely.
• Explain that “Many people use nitpicking the facts underlying a conflict as a way to handle emotional distress and feelings of vulnerability.”

Being unsettled by strong emotions

• Tell Beth “Conflict resolution isn’t simply a matter of rendering an impartial decision about what’s right and wrong.”
• Have a discussion with Beth to explore how getting in touch with her feelings is rational way to determine what matters most to her during conflict.
• Explain that “No matter how disorienting it can be when conflict seems emotionally driven, acknowledging the importance of your own and others’ feelings allows you to find solutions that are both personally satisfying and logically sound.”

1. Ask Beth to look at this list (SEE LIST BELOW) of people who might trigger her to lose her cool and pick out three items.
2. Have Beth brainstorm possible ways of staying calm when meeting these sorts of people. This can be homework or you can work on it together in the session.
3. As a next step or additional homework, suggest Beth record any new conflicts and reflect on them. Have Beth respond, orally or in writing, to the following prompts:
1. “To improve your ability to recognize which people and situations trigger you, keep track of with whom, when and under what circumstances you lose your cool.”
2. “To improve your coping skills going forward, note anything that helped you to manage your negative emotions when you couldn’t avoid dealing with these sorts of difficult people.”